Posted in Awesomeness, Boys, boys, boys! And did I mention, boys?, OH &^%$!!, Random Rage | Posted on 01-04-2010

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Certificate of Sucktasticness

So today, my faithful friends, I am pleased to announce I am the recipient of a highly coveted, prestigious award. Now, I don’t mean to get all braggy on you, but these awards aren’t given out to just anybody. Oh no, no, no. Only the elite few are worthy of this level of…..um, achievement. I mean, underachievement.

Without further ado………..que up the Boston Symphony Orchestra, hit the lights, and………..please shine some love on the above! Can I get a WOOT WOOT?

In case you can’t read it, it says:

Certificate of Sucktasticness

In recognition of dealing with life on a daily basis with its flying squirrels (don’t ask), magic markers, and a lack of privacy on the commode.

Well, I hope you’ll excuse me for being a teensy bit self congratulatory, but naturally I’ll be alerting the media just as soon as I call my mom. Oh, she’ll be so proud to have raised such a shining star. I think deep down she knew all along I was destined for big things. I mean, not every little girl comes home from kindergarten after one month saying she’s going to drop out because, after all, what is the point when you can’t yet read or even tie your own shoe? If you can’t read or tie your shoe, then dayum, you might as well just stay home and fold the laundry and watch Days with mom, am I right?

In light of this esteemed honor, me, myself, and I, would like to sincerely thank all those who made it possible. First, I’d like to thank my wonderful friend, Monique. Without her, I would just be sucktastic all on my own, with nothing to show for it. Without her, none of this would be possible.  (No, really. None of it. Who do you think techno twit got to set up her blog for her?) The fact that she realized what sort of a day/week/month I was having and singled me out for recognition speaks volumes about what a special gal she is. She must have spent a good five minutes on the award criteria and judging, to speak nothing of the wonderful graphic design. So a warm thanks to my pal, Mo! Mo, this Bud’s for you, girl. (I mean Sam. I know you’re not so much a Bud gal, so please note, I pay attention to detail.)

It just ain't my day!!!

Second, I’d like to thank my two year old who– in one hour–clogged the sink with toilet paper, magic markered his knees, hands, and the ottoman, and helped himself to 52 party snacks that he’ll likely boot up later, all because I holed up in the dining room feverishly writing a cover letter (which, I might add, I thought was damn good, but apparently not so much?) and presumed he was coloring (on paper) in the play room with five year old. I would like to add the marginal damage incurred, in addition to me admonishing myself (Bad mommy!)  for not paying enough attention to two year old, paled in comparison to the stinging, one line (As in, one sentence, with nary a “thanks for your interest”  or even a “sincerely” tagged at the end.) rejection I received later in the day. A rejection, I might add, to my cover letter which suggested said *free to the public* publication might wish to review some of my work for possible publication by them.  Boom! Shot down cold not by Random House or The New York Times, but by a publication which distributes its work for nada. Now, this is not meant to mock the publication as I rather enjoy reading it or I wouldn’t have reached out to it in the first place. It wasn’t my first rejection and surely won’t be my last. But, I have to wonder, if rejected by the it- shall- remain- nameless- free- publication, what the hell am I doing? Where am I going with this?

Oh, that’s right! I’m distributing my own free publication right here. Only I can write WHAT I want, WHEN I want.

Well, that’s not so sucktastic, is it?

And p.s. It’s my party and I can swear if I want to. Yeah!

p.p.s. Just want to keep making mom proud. Success!

p.p.p.s. But really? My day really was kinda sucktastic. Because the first time I wrote this sucktastic post, I had to scream a little because I deleted most of it by accident and had to rewrite like 90% of it.

p.p.p.p.s. Thank you for being a loyal muffintopmommy reader. Should you wish to send me a cover letter requesting I review your work for possible publication with us, I would be deeeeelighted to consider you for publication. Sincerely, Muffintopmommy

p.p.p.p.p? (yeah, I’m up to five p’s now, that’s right, five, but it’s my free ass blog and I can do what I wanna….).s. What was I gonna say? Oh, NO! I do not have A.D.D.!

Comments (6)

ROF,L! You make me laugh. I LOVE to laugh. Thanks! :)

(You also make me Very Glad my kiddos are way past two years old.)


I hear you and feel your pain!!! Congrats on your award!! ;o)


oh Janet, you are a hoot and the will-remain-unnamed-free-publication dude is on crack. but most of all, i love that you love my mediocre technical skills.


Thanks, ladies. I know all moms understand what goes down when you take your eye off the ball to attempt to do something productive!! You pay dividends later, sigh. Monique, your technical skills will always be the polar opposite of sucktastic to me! :)


I feel your pain too!!!!!! I should start writing down all the things by kids do that really tortures me!!!


I feel your pain about rejection from crappy publications, and many times I wonder why I’m doing this, also. I am also appalled at the rudeness of editors. Hang in there lady! Your writing is great! We’ll find our way. Keep writing!


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