AN ODE TO POLLEN (YES, THAT POLLEN, THE SONOFA*&^%!)

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Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 12-05-2011

SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!!!

Roses are red

Violets are blue

God damn you fracking pollen

I’ve had enough of you.

*

 Old man winter has come and gone

I can finally see my lawn!

For sixth months I trudged through rain, sleet, and snow

So there’s something you really need to  know.

*

I want to fling open the house and get some fresh air

I want to run through the meadow and let down my hair

I want to be able to smell a beautiful flower

Without having to take a ten minute shower!

*

Oh pollen, you dirty rat bastard

You make my breathing all haphazard

Your very sight makes me sneeze

In your wake I do wheeze.

You’re nuthin’ but a textbook…. tease.

*

Everyone else gets to frolic and play

While inside sneezing I grudgingly stay

I rub and rub my sad eyes raw

It’s the ugliest sight you ever saw

Bloodshot eyes and a ruby red face

People must think I’m on a bender all over the damn place!

IRRITATED SCLERA? THAT IS CODE FOR SONOFABITCHINGBASTARD POLLEN DID THIS TO ME, NOT BUD LIGHT!

So desperate I am to cure my hay fever

I’d agree to be locked in a room with only Justin Bieber!

My blood I would give, my possessions I would sell

If you would only just go straight to hell!

*

Nose spray, eye drops, and two pills I do swallow.

But everywhere I go, you seem to taunt and follow.

Perhaps you missed the memo, status update and tweet?

It’s about time you beat a hasty retreat.

I’m not kidding. Not kidding at all.

If you don’t hit the bricks I’m gonna beat your pollen ass straight into fall!

Comments (6)

ROF,L! That is beautiful. Just beautiful. It expresses my sentiments precisely. Isn’t that what great poetry is supposed to do?

ReplyReply

Thanks, Linda! What can we do but laugh or cry at this point?!?!?!? If I’m driven to poetry, it means I have some angst. HEE HEE.

ReplyReply

Oh how I love poem or song posts! You nailed it, Twig!

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I can’t really commiserate because I don’t suffer from those nasty seasonal allergies, but I do hope you feel better soon, Oh, yeah, and I thought the poem was pretty great too.

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Can we put something in there about the poor kids that now have to stay in for recess? My girls look like prize fighters and are now acting like caged lions because I have them locked in the house! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Love the line about people thinking you’re on a bender -

ReplyReply

Oh my, I feel your pain. This year has been the worse!

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