Posted in Awesomeness, Friends...you got what I ne-ed, OH &^%$!!, Random Rage, Some things just don't fit into a neat little box. The uncategory! | Posted on 24-06-2012
Tags: Carol Brady, MOMMY MIXOLOGY, SETH MEYERS, Spanx
It’s summer! I’m ready to play!
Who wants to play?
Here’s your chance to laugh, make all the muffintopmommy readers laugh, and make me laugh. I laugh, you laugh, we all laugh. Laughity laugh laugh.
At my expense.
Even better!
I *try* (and sometimes fail –keep it to yourself homies!) to make you guys laugh every week, but now I’m turning the tables and asking you to bring the funny. Hubs took the following pic of me acting like a total spaz (please, suspend your disbelief) in a bounce house last week. Looking hawt again, yes I am not. And we thought the Seth Meyers pic was bad!
STOP WITH THE JEALOUSY NOW! IT'S JUST NOT A NICE QUALITY.
Um, I told you.
Anyway, I looked at the pic and decided it’s screaming for a funny caption. So I’m turning the tables on you, my crazy funny readers who leave me awesome comments that make me laugh (Which is my only form of payment for this labor of love–a moment of silence puhleease because clearly, I am never gettin’ a pony. Or name brand Spanx. Sigh.). Your jobby job is to write a funny caption for this photo. The caption can be as out there as you want—there are no rules. I’m tired of rules, aren’t you? “Don’t play ball in the house!” (Mrs. Brady needed a stiff drink and…never mind..) and “No loitering!” (I like to loiter! Life it short–we should loiter more! Loi-ter! Loi-ter!) and “No substitutions!” (WTH. But I want a substitution! Everyone deep down wants a substitution, because you always put onnnnne crappy app in the combo platter that noooone wants! You know it and I know it.)
So, let’s repeat.
No rules! No rules! No rules!
Whoever writes the funniest caption (as super subjectively judged by Muffintopmommy and whatever panel of super unscientific unserious peers happen to be on hand), submitted in the comment section of this post, by this Friday, June 29th, at midnight, eastern standard time, otherwise known as the time zone in which I live, wins a FREE!!! copy of my upcoming book, Mommy Mixology: A Cocktail For Every Calamity. The book will not be released until mid to late July (But! It is available for preorder online —and if you’re the type to shake your Christmas presents, you can peek inside the book on Amazon—woop! I won’t say if I myself am a shaker—I’ll only say hubs keeps my Xmas gifts off premises. He clearly has trust issues!). Sooooo, as soon as I have the actual book in my hot little hands I will ship it to THE BIG WINNAH!!!!!
(I regret to inform you I will not be able to ship a book internationally at this time. 
BOO! Please forgive me international muffintoppers—I love you in every language I can never hope to speak. Please don’t be mad! Please don’t look at me that way! I’ll make it up to you some day, I promise!)
Ok, ready everyone?
And……..go!
Caption: “Ooooh….This new bra gives me so much lift!”
“Oh, I wish I’d listened to my OB and done those Kegel’s!”
So you’re telling me I just put on the X-ray glasses, walk into the bounce house, and–
NINJAGOooooooO!!!!! (Damn it Janet – I didn’t know you were a freakin’ Ninja too!)
I’ve got the moves AND mouth like Jagger!
Ok, you said no rules so I am feeling free to enter twice. =)
OH so sorry! Was that YOUR kid I just launched into next weeK?
Three entries? Even yesser…..I’m a rebel like that.
Oh snap! A clearance rack full of pyschadelic Merona blouses?! Get out the ROAD, bitches!
“No BEER? What do you mean, no beer?? I was TOLD there would be BEER!!!”
Braaiiiiiins…
You called my kid what?? Bitch, I’ll bounce you!
My neighbors do WHAT at night?!?!
Fazukababa sumpagowlaboo, la-deeeee! Exclamation Growl!
OH SHIT! My super-plus just fell out.
Ooooooh, my Activia just kicked in.
I TOLD you I needed two bras on this damn thing!
Hey honey – Look! Bounce House Tits! Good thing I wore my shatter-free lenses!
Christian led me into the bouncy castle– oh my! “Wait here while I get the clown, the Crisco and the balloon animals” he said seductively.
My inner goddess said, “You gotta be shittin’ me…”
The sexy blow up doll model #39-69 (aka the muffin topper) Life size, anatomical and posable. Provides hours of fun without any mouthy sarcasm “Happy birthday Rick, I’ll be taking a nap”
Sorry I missed this one! Had fun reading all the entries though.
I’m not competing because I already pre-ordered a copy, so *pffft*.
“Just WALKING into Victoria’s Secret makes my boobs inflate. LOVE PINK!”
(Because honestly, just look at those skinny legs!)