WHEN TODDLERS ATTACK…

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Posted in OH &^%$!!, Random Rage, Uncategorized | Posted on 18-09-2012

I suppose I should have expected it eventually. But the sound still jarred me right out of my chair. I know. My first mistake was sitting down.

Behold, exhibit A:

 

Once I heard the distinct sound of cascading glass, I bolted into the dining room to find three year old holding exhibit A in one hand and its mate in the other. He’d snatched them out of the china cabinet–a neglected crystal/china graveyard for the fancaypantsay wedding items I once envisioned busting out for the fabulous grown up dinner parties I was certain I’d throw.

Bwa ha ha ha ha.

Idiot.

Aaaanyway, three year old no doubt was intrigued by this sparkly verboten land and thought it would be good fun to clang two glasses together like cymbals, until one shattered all around him. He stood there,  mouth agape, as steady as a statue clutching the two glasses in disbelief.

“WHOA!” I screeched out of fear and shock as I surveyed the scene. And immediately his face fell and he started to cry.

Ooops.

How do you explain to a three year old that you’re not angry he broke a dumb glass, but just grateful he didn’t cut his jugular with the broken glass/hurt his beautiful face/get glass in his eye? I shudder to think of the possibilities as my neurotic nodinnerpartiesforidiotsmind whizzes! Never mind the dust he probably inhaled from shaking those wedding registry relics around! Surprised we didn’t have to give him a hit of his bro’s asthma inhaler.

He actually did me a favor. Now I have an even amount of unused fancaypantsay wine glasses (one bit the dust years ago). That will work out well for my next couples dinner party when something BIG happens like Christ rises again or I fit into single digit jeans–whichever comes first.

Until then, I’m grateful 3 year old is okay and Imma go get my red Solo cup on. Mason jar if I’m being all high fallutin.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! (BONUS: THICK, STURDY GLASS. A WIN FOR THE MUFFIN TOP!)

Cheers to a great/shards of glass-free week, Muffintoppers!

 

 

Comments (12)

Yikes! Glad he was O.K. That stuff is so scary. Who are we kidding, really, by registering for ten tons of glassware for grown-up dinner parties when we get married? I have the same problem. Total dust collectors. And then, when the grown-ups finally come over, it’s not humiliating at all to grab a fancy glass off the shelf and have to sanitize it for ten minutes in front of them while they wait for something to pour their wine or a fancy drink in!

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I know @Terri. I kind of freaked when I saw the jagged glass in his hand–all I could think is what if he fell? *shudders

And I am SOOO with you on having to wash and dry glasses while thirsty guests wait. Why can’t everyone just be like us? Why, God, why? :) I thought I would be a better grown up than this!!!! HA!

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So glad your little guy didn’t get hurt. Let’s leave the wine glasses where they belong…in the hands of the
#RealHousewives.

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LOL, @OTG!! No kidding, right? Beer in a can is much safer!!!!!!!!!!

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Yikes!

But really, how long have you had kids? Shouldn’t all the good stuff be broken by now? ;)

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LMAO, @Linda. You’d think! THe contents of the verboten china cabinet are the last nice things I have!!! #3 was the only one who apparently thought to open it up!!!! (This better translate into him being brillzy in school ya know!?)

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Box those suckers up and put them in the attic. You can break them out when the last kid goes off to college!

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OMG…was he barefoot? That was where my crazy mind went to first. Thank goodness he froze. Mine would have taken off running to hide the evidence! Your son must be brilliant. It’s my medical opinion. :)

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@Janet M. Good idea! Meet me here in 15 years!

@Stacey He was barefoot! After I yelled whoooa, I told him not to move. I took the glass and carried him out of the room and then went back to clean it up. Craziness. I was shocked he didn’t run. Seriously. I think the noise and the whole scene startled him so much he just froze–thankfully! And people wonder why I drink!!! My last nerve is shot!!!!!!!!!

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Poor little guy! So glad he’s OK, though. Love your fancy NEW glassware- somebody’s been on Pinterest!

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Seriously, that kid has a horseshoe around his neck or something because GAH! That he emerged without needing stitches is a flippin’ miracle. And, personally, I love me some Mason Jars.

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@Dawn I’m all about fancay. You know that, Laverne! “:)

@Missy Thank God, I know! That boy is singlehandedly driving me to drink. *

*not really but yay for the convenient scapegoat! :)

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