MOMMIES SHOULD BE RUNNING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

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Posted in OH &^%$!!, Random Rage, Uncategorized | Posted on 07-10-2012

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I’m on political overload.

Sound familiar?

I’m not the first to blog about this. And in truth, this post is an extension of something I wrote a few years ago but never published. But now? Things are worse and I am more weary. More jaded. More aggravated.

Social media, my happy place–my daily escape, my window to the world (Shut up. I know I need to get out more.) isn’t even safe anymore! If I see one more snarky political comment on Facebook or twitter, Imma explode. Implode? I’m going to lose my shit. There. I said it. See what happens when you push the muffin top?

I love my country. I want what’s best for it. I’m a big fan of snark! Huge! BUT….we’ve reached saturation, doncha think? And to that end, I can only surmise things need to change. There is a lack of basic civility surrounding politics, and it starts from the top down. Or maybe the bottom up? Politicians don’t seem to work together for the common good–they all seem to have their own agenda, most of which involves power, imo. I guess if we’re being honest, that’s not so new. You can only have it your way at Burger King, you douche canoes!

STUPID POLS PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON WHERE TO GRAB LUNCH. I SUGGEST BK! Photo credit: Photobucket

We are all entitled to our beliefs—-that’s the very best thing about our country, in my opinion. And because these beliefs are personal–it can seem “personal” when they–our beliefs– and by extension, WE, are attacked. But. But! Now more than ever, citizens can and do hide behind computer screens and hurl nasty insults toward strangers and friends alike. Instead of healthy discourse it reads more like a food fight. Or a sucker punch. A hit and run even. Don’t we all deserve better? Can’t we DO better? Is this the best example to set for our kids? That when we disagree with someone, it’s okay to call them names and even bully them? Would you walk up to a stranger or an acquaintance at a cocktail party/soccer game/Cracker Barrel and call them a dummy? A warmonger? A hippie freak?

RIP CIVILITY.

Will that really help them to try to understand your point of view?

Before the debate started the other night, I wrote this on my muffintopmommy page on Facebook:

I really wish Andy Cohen could moderate the prez debate tonight. We could drink every time Barack says “moving forward” and Mitt says “deficit”. (Scratch that. Getting your stomach pumped at the ER when you’re a grown up is a no no.) 

He could ask Mitt pressing questions like what would Ann do if he took a call in a vineyard away from the table and started speaking Italian? He could ask Barack if he’s ever done a back flip in the White House foyer and chipped a tooth while he and Michelle had company. 

Really. We need to inject a little humor into this whole thing. We needs some MAZEEELLLLL!

Honestly? I was only half kidding. We can kill each other….or we can laugh about it and try to figure out a better way.

Regardless of where your political loyalties lie, chances are, first and foremost, your loyalties lie with your family. Let’s face it, the guys down in Washington—are mostly a bunch of schmucks. Democrat, Republican….I don’t think it really matters. See, I’m thinking, the gig’s about up. I’m onto them. While they wine and dine with lobbyists, with who knows what agenda, we’re at home, putting the interests of our families first. When they make decisions about this country’s future, are they considering the best interests of our collective families?

We have runaway spending while our roads crumble and schools falter and the suits point fingers and posture for the cameras. They get all shouty and start wagging their extremities. Nobody will cop to doing or saying anything wrong. No one will EVER just say, “I’m sorry” and ask for forgiveness when they mess up. No one collaborates–they obfuscate. It’s their way or nuthin’. Come on, you know their moms taught them better than that. How can you fix something when no one will admit it’s broken or offer any viable solutions?

TELL THE TRUTH! SAY YOU’RE SORRY WHEN YOU EFF SHIT UP. IS THAT SO HARD?????

Sorry. Sorry. I’m shouting. See? See? They’re doing it to me!

It’s time to start a revolution. The answer is clear. It’s time for mommies to take Washington, if only temporarily to show them how it’s done. Face it, we’re always on borrowed time. We can’t be lifers in Washington. Our families need us. But I contend that if we went down there for even a few weeks, the difference would be palpable and we could solve most of what ails our beloved country.

We’re fierce negotiators, even among the toughest of adversaries who can be, ahem, petulant and irrational at times (sound familiar politicians?). We balance strict budgets, work under severe time constraints, and arrive on schedule with our homework in hand. Our work ethic is unparalleled, as we are accustomed to working hours on end with no breaks, and no complaints. (Okay, maybe a few complaints. We’re moms not martyrs.) We juggle kids, jobs, homework, cooking, cleaning, shuttling and scheduling, and we do it all with a smile. Or a smirk. Maybe a few swears under our breath. But let’s not split hairs now. We teach our kids to play nice in the sandbox and it’s about time some of that is done in our nation’s capitol!

DON'T JUDGE ME BY MY APPEARANCE. I HAVE A LOT OF GREAT IDEAS! I WORK WELL WITH OTHERS! I'M KIND! I WILL OFFER YOU BOOZE AND PARTY SNACKS WHILE WE FIGURE SHIT OUT!

Just in my group of friends alone, we are or once were, sales people, educators, doctors, lawyers, nurses, real estate professionals, computer specialists and money managers. We come from all walks of life, and from different political parties. We don’t agree on everything, but we agree on one thing. The future success of this country depends on our ability to keep our future generations in mind, our kids and our kid’s kids.  If given the chance, we mommies could solve our education, healthcare, housing, defense and infrastructure problems, balance the budget and maybe even have homemade cupcakes on everyone’s desk by month’s end. Okay, maybe that’s optimistic, especially if I’m baking, but admit it, it’s not the craziest idea I’ve ever had, is it?

I’m crying uncle. This crazy shizz that’s going on down in DC…just ain’t working.

DON'T THESE GUYS DESERVE BETTER THAN A BILL OF GOODS?

Wake me up when the election is over!


 

Comments (14)

” I WILL OFFER YOU BOOZE AND PARTY SNACKS WHILE WE FIGURE SHIT OUT.”

Now THAT is a platform i can support! Moms for president!

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@Dawn: This campaign fueled by PBR, cupcakes and pigs wrapped in a blanket!

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Thanks for saying what I feel, layered with your usual dose of humor and snark. I don’t talk or write politics with my writer/social media friends. I want to stay friends. :)

PS – I had no idea stick figures were so violent. Did you notice that one guy actually plays ball with the other dude’s head?

ReplyReply

Muffintop for President’
I’m your neighbor and I approve this message!!

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@Jolyse….Agreed! Once you open your mouth, the damage is done! Also, I feel like it’s easier to have a convo face to face or even over the phone versus in writing where tones and intentions can be misunderstood, etc.
Those stick figures are super violent! Did not notice the guy dribbling the other’s head. Nice! And to think I thought this was a PG-13 blog!!!

@Marie NO thanks!! I would wind up just like “them”. Oh, and obviously you need to be wealthy to run for prez—they always are! Oy.

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This is IT!!!! You should have started a movement awhile back. In all your free time…! :). You totally rocked this piece and I could watch your stck men over and over. Fun-ay!

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How funny are those stick men, @Stacey! GO Photobucket–free sharing! :) I am sure we could round up a bunch of moms to go down there for a month and straighten shizz out!

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I will campaign for you any ol’ time. Just bring the al-kee-haul and party snacks and I’m there! (And, I’m sure we could get someone else to make the cupcakes, right?)

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You went from douche canoe to obfuscate in the same post. Add in the Italia sweatshirt and you’ve got my vote!!

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