GAS CARD WINNAH, CLAIM YO PRIZE AND RALPH LAUREN, SUCK IT!

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Posted in Mom-ness, OH &^%$!!, Random Rage | Posted on 05-07-2013

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I KNOW! This is a skitzo post. First, the gas card winnah!!! Pamela T! Please email me at janet@muffintopmommy.com with your full name and address so I can have Stop and Shop mail your $FITTY dollah gift card. WOOP! Thanks to all for entering!

And now, this.

XL? SLIM FIT? OH HELL NO.

 

So you know how when you have small urchin childs and you are prone to shop at 98 miles per hour throwing this and that into the cart? So I grabbed this cute green Ralph polo shirt at Che Mar-shalls. Extra grande. VIVA LA MUFFINTOP! Ahem. I get it home and throw it on and I look like Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc! Maybe a green apple. Or a pea on GMO steroids.

What the schluck, Ralph Lauren?

I grab the shirt, hold it up, see that it indeed says XL, EXTRA GRANDE, and not extra fricking flash your muffintop small. And then I see, under the XL, hidden from the eyes of hasty shoppers, “SLIM FIT”.

Slim fit?

Slim fit.

Um, Ralph? If I’m buying an extra grande shirt, there ain’t nothing slim about me. What in preppy hell is your ever loving point? Extra Grande +Slim Fit = Oxymoron. GET A WEBSTER’S DICTIONARY, RALPHIE!

The hell, Ralph. I’m breaking up with you. Obviously, you only want slim chubsters to wear your shitz. That’s what I get for cheating’ on mah Merona. They have REAL xl’s. Hell, they even have XXL! EXTRA EXTRA GRANDE!

Ralph. You had your chance. When I’m rich and famous some day never, I shall not be rocking your duds on Jimmy Fallon. Or at the playground. Whatevs.

Comments (5)

Kinda like lululemons (I don’t care if I misspelled it). I keep hearing how great their yoga pants are and that you’ll never look thinner than in a pair of lululemons. Blah, blah, blah! Well of course you’ll look thin in a pair of lululemons! They only go up to a size 12! For any of us sporting the ‘extra fluffy’ look, that is not a size we have recognized in a while. At least I haven’t! Keep your flipping skinny yoga pants and take me off your e-mail list lulu! Do you think I don’t realize that I’m not a size 12!

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BOOOOOOOOO, @Ruthie!!!

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Congrats to Pamela T. :)

Yeah, I just don’t get the sizing changes going on with these labels. Interestingly, my daughter noticed the opposite trend in the Jr Dept. She hasn’t lost weight, but she’s now a size smaller in Union Bay brand at Kohl’s. Go figure. (Maybe there’s hope for the Misses and Womens Dept??)

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Uggghhh!! I hate those slim fits & could they make them a little longer? I’m of average height and they are so short I can rarely tuck them in or feel like I’m wearing a belly shirt. I’m not wearing low riders but who wears their pants that high anymore?

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