LET’S CONNECT ON LINKEDIN… RANDOM MAN WHOSE CONDO I RENTED IN HILTON HEAD!

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Posted in Awesomeness, OH &^%$!!, Uncategorized | Posted on 27-03-2014

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I knew I should have just stuck to shiny! pretty! sparkly! Pinterest. But I tried to play with the big kids and now, 600 people who have ever been linked even tangentially to me or my email account, have been invited by moi to “connect” on LinkedIn. One errant click of a button is all it took and now I am connected to law students, nurse managers, and police officers from here to Chicago and back! Every time I open my email I cringe, wondering which virtual stranger is my new LinkedIn bestie.

Within minutes, I received a polite email from the gentleman whose condo we are renting this summer in Hilton Head….”I’m sorry Janet, but I can’t connect with you on LinkedIn. I retired in 2010 and I’m not sure why LinkedIn hasn’t deleted my account.”

OHMAHGAWD. I hope the key code to get into the joint works once we haul ass all the way to South Carolina from New Hampshire! Don’t worry, sir, I won’t be hosting any soirees for strangers in your retirement nest egg with Dawn from Chicago and Bill from Ohio. You know how LinkedIn people bring THE PARTY. I wants my security deposit back!

Just got this email from the room mother from my middle’s class, “Hey Janet! I don’t do linked in but my hubby does. I’ll make sure he sees this. Thanks!”

No–cries inside–thank you for being so nice and not realizing what a cuckoo I am!!! I’m dying. DYING. And now I’m wondering if all the parents in oldest’s class are getting requests because I am the room mom! You send in that donation for the Family Fun Night or you WILL get more LinkedIn requests, people, okay? (I think this is an abuse of power! I am totally getting kicked out of the PTA!)

Frankly, I AM a little pissed HGTV rejected my request to connect. Ditto for you, Lumber Liquidators. Where’s the loyalty?

THE WORST PART IS I DID THIS STONE COLD SOBER. I SWEAR! I SWEAR ON MY LINKEDIN ACCOUNT!

THE WORST PART IS I DID THIS STONE COLD SOBER. I SWEAR! I SWEAR ON MY LINKEDIN ACCOUNT!

No really, the worst part? Is the people I sort of know like the room mommy. Little league coaches? A friend’s husband from town who I’ve met like 1.5 times? OHGODOHNO did my kids’ principal get one???? The parish priest?  The town hooker? (Ok, there is no town hooker, but if there was—oh yeah, I would have totally requested her!) Now I’m left to wonder—who is going to see me in frozen foods and think, “Why did you contact my husband/wife/great Aunt/stepcousin on LinkedIn, ya freakshow!?!”

My friend texted me about something right after LinkedInGate2014 so I had to fill her in and she texts back, “So funny—Adam just said to me, why does Janet want to be friends on LinkedIn—he wants to know did this go out to all your email friends or just him!” I replied, “Just him. #winkwink But wait, does he want to go shoe shopping tomorrow?”

She replies, “Ha ha ha! I love you!” and I’m like, “Yeah, so do 600 people on LinkedIn!”

When hubs got home from work, I felt compelled to confess my blunder–fully expecting him to be all, “What’s LinkedIn?” and shrug his shoulders. Instead he says a little too loudly for MY liking, “Oh, I know! I got like 5 requests from you–so annoying! You know, people make mistakes like that and get FIRED from their jobs!”

WHAT!

OH shit, husband, I am going to lose my huge ass job here at Casa de Muffin Top. Who will be in charge of arse wiping now? Please don’t report me to HR.

I might send him five more requests today. You will connect with me, husband! YOU WILL!!!

Comments (17)

No town hooker??

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@ Carrie, you know, *maybe* there is one but I’ve done enough damage for one week and didn’t want to disparage anyone! :)

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I humbly accept your linked in request. If you get fired, there are arses to wipe in this house. Just sayin’.

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@Missy, is is relief to know my mad wiping skills are marketable!

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I got a request. I ended up making an account. I thought i was promoting you somehow because I wasn’t sure what it was. I should have asked you!!

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OMG, @Lisa I’m so sorry!!! AGH!

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I saw this and thought you were brilliant!! What a great marketing idea!! I’m doing it for Facebook to see if it makes any diff. Just a science project.

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@ Stacey, the funny thing is my book rankings HAVE gone up now that I connected with my 600 besties….hmm…coincidence?? ;)

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OMG I am so embarrassed for you! Ah, I can’t imagine! I use linkedin professionally and it took me a long time to be comfortable to send a few invitations here and there to some personal contacts. And those were on purpose! I can’t imagine if I connected with my whole address book!!!

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@Marta you are making me feel so much better!! #runsandhides Did you get one from me?!?!??!

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Well, that definitely explains my inbox this morning!! You poor darling, I laughed at your expense, but also feel your pain.

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Oh @Alyson, I think a lot of people were laughing this morning!!! Ahh, I’m used to it anyway!

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OMG! I have tried for the longest time to delete my account from Linked In. I don’t work! I only went on there to check out someone I was going to hire to do work on my house! It’s so embarrassing …lol

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@ Jules—you’re a domestic engineer–come on, I’ll wait while you go update it!! Do it! It’ll be great!! (HEH.)

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Um, how come I’m the only one in your address book that you didn’t invite? I know my photo skills are lacking, but you didn’t have to leave me out entirely. I feel cheated.

P.S. Are you and Seth Meyers connected now?

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600 come on and I didn’t get an invite.

Keep going till you find me Muffin Top

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@Lisa the crappy photographer, Seth is coming over for dinner Saturday night. INvite only. Sorry! ;)

@Kathy Trainor…..be careful what you wish for!!!

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