WHO AM I? A BRIEF MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPONSOR….
I’m a thirtysomething hausfrau from the burbs. I cohabitate with my husband and three boys seven and under. I love them, love them, love them. They help shape who I am, but don’t define who I am.
****HOLDTHEPHONEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEWOOTWOOTWOOT**** (Forgive my obnoxious screaming. And no, still not on crack. Really! No, really.)
My book is out! It’s called Mommy Mixology: A Cocktail for Every Calamity. You’ll find 60 delish recipes, each of which comes with fun anecdotes and advice (yes, really!) on calamities we moms face from conception til junior completes kindergarten. Think Cosmopotty, EmERgentini, Markerita…. (Getting thirsty?? Me too!) Are you ready to get your funny on with me???? You can order it here!
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
These are the things I know to be true:
- I drink too much beer coffee
- I swear too much
- I eat too much
- My muffin top is too big, and will be until I address all of the above. I’m sort of working dilligently on it.
- I don’t fold my laundry right after I take it out of the dryer. Sometimes? I mix whites and darks. Just because.
- I don’t dust enough, vacuum enough or cook enough.
- I’m a smart ass. I wish more people were, too. I’m heartened by the belief we all have potential for smartassishness.
- There is humor to be found everywhere. The grocery store, hospital publications, the dmv. (Yeah, even there!) You want funny? Sometimes you need to just bring your own funny! And if you can’t bring it, then you need to find it. You’ll find it here.
Also? I’m not going to find the cure for cancer and I probably won’t be the person to broker peace in the middle east. I wish for these things to happen, but as I struggled through high school chemistry and some days get only as far as my local Target, I’m just not the right woman for the job.
I can’t do your taxes. I won’t mow your lawn. Don’t ask me to go spinning. Unless you’re spinning through a drive thru or a shoe sale, I just ain’t that interested!
On this blog, I search for answers to pressing questions. Why is bread fancy now? Why won’t cashiers just play along and card me? Why is some children’s literature scarier than my underwear drawer? Why must I speak in tongues at Starbucks? Who invented daylight savings and where can I find him so I can give him a beat down? Why don’t more people speak in italics?
I write because I LOVE IT. I know I can make you laugh. That’s a promise. See, there’s not enough funny in this world. We all need to laugh more. Who thinks, “I laughed too much today! I want to laugh less tomorrow!” Dude, NO! Preposterous! If that’s you, then take that shit on up outta here and go grouse somewhere else! Unless? Your grousing is funny. Then I beg your pardon—please stay! You’re among friends!
If you want to laugh more, subscribe to my blog by clicking the orange button on the home page. It’s fast. It’s free. It’s fun. Where else can you get fastfreefun? Tell me, because I want some! And if you’re loving you some freefastfun, please tell all your friends. Share your opinions in the comments. Keep the party going! And remember? Muffintopmommy is not just for mommies!
Seriously? Life is crazy. What’s the point if we can’t all laugh about it?
Please feel free to contact me at: email@example.com