WHO AM I? A BRIEF MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPONSOR….

I’m a thirtysomething ***CRAP! I’m 40 now! 40!!!***hausfrau from the burbs. I cohabitate with my husband and three young lads eight and under. I love them, love them, love them. They help shape who I am, but don’t define who I am.

****HOLDTHEPHONEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEWOOTWOOTWOOT**** (Forgive my obnoxious screaming. And no, still not on crack. Really! No, really.)

My book is out! It’s called Mommy Mixology: A Cocktail for Every Calamity. You’ll find 60 delish recipes, each of which comes with fun anecdotes and advice (yes, really!) on calamities we moms face from conception til junior completes kindergarten. Think Cosmopotty, EmERgentini, Markerita…. (Getting thirsty?? Me too!) Are you ready to get your funny on with me???? You can order it here!

THIS IS MY OFFICIAL BOOK PHOTO. I WILL NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD AGAIN, SO TAKE A HARD LOOK IF YOU WANT TO STAND A CHANCE TO PICK ME OUT OF A LINE UP SOMEDAY. :)

Kind of cool, right? My kids think it’s cool I’m an “arthur” but alas, they are not allowed to read my book yet! (Future therapists for my offspring, please stand by….) Anyway, these are the things I know to be true–so you shouldn’t be alarmed my kids can’t read what I write:

  • I drink too much beer coffee
  • I swear too much
  • I eat too much
  • My muffin top is too big, and will be until I address all of the above. I’m sort of working dilligently on it.
  • I don’t fold my laundry right after I take it out of the dryer. Sometimes? I mix whites and darks. Just because.
  • I don’t dust enough, vacuum enough or cook enough.
  • I’m a smart ass. I wish more people were, too. I’m heartened by the belief we all have potential for smartassishness.
  • There is humor to be found everywhere. The grocery store, hospital publications, the dmv. (Yeah, even there!) You want funny? Sometimes you need to just bring your own funny! And if you can’t bring it, then you need to find it. You’ll find it here.
  • Blabbity blah…we now interrupt our regualar programming to make the following announcement:
  • UPDATE: I am all about the DIY! Once I realized I could paint and reupholster bargain furniture without maiming myself or others in the process and make my house cute again since my boys broke all my nice shit–I was ALL in on that! Don’t expect Martha quality makeovers but please know if you are a type B mama with little to no skills and a small budge, I CAN HELP YOU! THERE IS HOPE!!! 

We can agree I’m not going to find the cure for cancer and I probably won’t be the person to broker peace in the middle east. I wish for these things to happen, but as I struggled through high school chemistry and some days get only as far as my local Target, I’m just not the right woman for the job.

I can’t do your taxes. I won’t mow your lawn. Don’t ask me to go spinning. Unless you’re spinning through a drive thru or a shoe sale, I just ain’t that interested!

If you want to laugh more, subscribe to my blog by clicking the orange button on the home page. It’s fast. It’s free. It’s fun. Where else can you get fastfreefun and maybe learn how to upholster without sewing? Tell me, because I want some! And if you’re loving you some freefastfun, please tell all your friends. Share your opinions in the comments. Keep the party going! And remember? Muffintopmommy is not just for mommies!

Seriously? Life is crazy. What’s the point if we can’t all laugh about it? And btw, I am PR friendly. But just don’t ask me to write about your exercise or nutrition shtick because? No. Obviously.

Regards,

Muffintopmommy

Please feel free to contact me at: janet@muffintopmommy.com