KATHIE LEE, COME HAVE A DRINK WITH ME!

0

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in Awesomeness, Friends...you got what I ne-ed, Mom-ness, MTM hits the road!, Uncategorized | Posted on 12-10-2014

Tags: , , ,

It’s not really stalking if you’re at an official event, right?

So goes the story. Kathie Lee Gifford has a new line of wines out (in conjunction with a winery in Monterey) called, Gifft. I wanted to picture her stomping grapes like I Love Lucy but alas, no.

IT'S A GIFFT. NOT A GIFT. IT'S $15 U.S. SMACKERS. AUTOGRAPH, FREE!

IT’S A GIFFT. NOT A GIFT. IT’S $15 U.S. SMACKERS. AUTOGRAPH, FREE!

 

The wine comes in two varieties, Chardonnay and Red Blend. (Red Blend? Ooh, it’s a mystery!) KLG visited a market down the street from my house to promote her new vino yesterday. Kathie Lee, wine, the chance to pimp my book to a woman who relishes cocktailing at 11 AM? How could I NOT? Some people dream of playing major league baseball or finding a cure for cancer. I just wanna sip some chard with KLG and Hoda.

Stop. It’s not nice to judge.

 

STALKING IS LIKE 199 TIMES MORE FUN WHEN YOU RANDOMLY BUMP INTO A FUN FRIEND ON YOUR RECON MISSION!

STALKING IS LIKE 199 TIMES MORE FUN WHEN YOU RANDOMLY BUMP INTO A FUN FRIEND ON YOUR RECON MISSION!

I came, I saw, we faux hugged, I gave her a copy of my book, Mommy Mixology: A Cocktail for Every Calamity. Which, for all I know, later hit the circular file at the market though she did graciously accept it!

JUST HANGING BY THE BREAD AISLE WITH KLG. NO BIG.

JUST HANGING BY THE BREAD AISLE WITH KLG. NO BIG.

Tick, tock. Not sure why my people I haven’t heard from her people yet? It’s been almost 24 hours! Don’t KLG and Hoda know how much fun sipping cocktails with me could be!? For the love of God, I’m a professional! And, I’m even willing to even endure the mental anguish of seeing my muffin top x an extra ten lbs!

Until then, I’ll be enjoying the GIFFT at home. In my polka dot jammies. I knew you’d be wondering if this stuff was any good, so as a public service to you my bestest readers, I twisted open the chard to test it! The hubs and I found it to be quite light and refreshing. And as you know, we are quite the wine afficionados. (NO.)

I KNOW. I LIKE BIG BEERS AND I CANNOT LIE.

I KNOW. I LIKE BIG BEERS AND I CANNOT LIE.

 

But hey, we like what we like and there is no shame in that! Sometimes I find chards to be kind of heavy and this was not–I truly enjoyed it. And clearly, this is not a sponsored post. I stalked it out and paid cash money for the vino!

My only complaint with this wine is it’s a twist off. I’m not implying that makes it inferior as I know there has been much debate about this in the wine world—it’s only because I like to save my corks to make fun crafts at Christmas. Geek alert. But, otoh, yay for twist off if you’re travelling and don’t want to deal with toting a wine opener. Nuttin’ worse than finding yourself in a square hotel room in East Bumblebee staring helplessly at a bottle with no opener, am I right? (Now who’s a dummy for travelling with beer in a can???) I picked the red up for a friend so I’ll have to let you know what she thinks! Red + Muffintopmommy = fetal position! No bueno. Until then, for the good of my Christmas list, I’ll keep pressing on with mah corks……salud!

 

THE CORKS ALMOST RUNNETH OVER!

THE CORKS ALMOST RUNNETH OVER!

 

 

 

 

 

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MOST AWKWARD JOB INTERVIEW

7

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in MTM hits the road!, Uncategorized | Posted on 21-09-2014

Tags: , , , , ,

Okay, I’ll start.

Recently I decided to come out of retirement and seek full time employment. (Please feel free to besiege me with offers–I’m hard working, make awesome coffee, and can totally talk Modern Family and the Sox at the water cooler. I like to be paid well and frequently. I’ll wait patiently for your call–thanks!) Before you can procure an exciting new opportunity, we all know, you have to work the interview circuit.

Dun, dun, dun, dun.

As I prepared for some interviews the other day, I was laughing remembering the most bizarre interview I ever, ever had. I was interviewing for a position with a company that was based in Kansas City. They flew me out to the barbeque capital (yum) for a series of interviews. I left New Hampshire at the crack, on Valentine’s Day, and bonus, had a massive head cold. What do you do if you have a massive head cold and a company has already paid to fly you half way across the country? You get yo A&* on that plane and pound cold meds!

I get there, everyone is lovely, I have an interview with a few people, and then they tell me the CFO is going to take me to lunch. At this point, my ears are pretty well blocked but I’m rolling along on nervous energy and Hall’s. (Was the nervous energy from the interviews or the 375 Halls? We’ll never know.) So the CFO seems like a nice fellow, but I, the extrovert, who is interviewing for a sales and management type job, is making note that he is clearly a buttoned up, quiet, numbers guy, and I remind myself not to be too OUTGOINGHIIMOUTGOINGLETMESCAREYOUWITHMYPERSONALITYQUIETGENTLEMAN.

We get to the lunch place, sit down, and ohmahgawd there is a barbershop quartet of four adorable older men who are clearly loving life…..and yet? Despite their combined ages and presumed life experiences are incapable of realizing the buttoned up CFO fifteen years my senior and I are not a couple…and they proceed to stop at our table and PLAY US A SONG. Like a goopy, sappy, lovey song.

Because that isn’t awkward!

In fact, they proceed to blast the tunes all over the lunch place, so between my blocked ears and them spreading the love, I had to keep clasping my ear and saying, “Excuse me, could you please repeat that?” to my new CFO boyfriend. Because not seeming like you are listening intently is always awesome on an interview!

199474_10150172677926438_1475557_n

As luck would have it, all ended well and I got the job! Cupid must have been smiling down on me. So much so, that the man who was driving me to the airport later that night? Made a quick phone call and then stopped on the side of the highway, got out with flowers, and gave them to his wife who had also stopped in the breakdown lane. Part of me was all, “Awwww” and part of me was like this is cute but I hope an 18 wheeler doesn’t hit us–does this rig have airbags? But really, I guess you haven’t lived til your guy woos you by the side of the road while a strange, mentholyptis smelling passenger looks on!

Weirdest interview day/Valentine’s Day ever!!!!! But I have to say thinking about it is making me much less nervous about any future interviews I might have, because really? What could be weirder?!!!!

What have you got???? Come on, tell us!

 

WAYFAIR DAILY SALES–GO GET YOUR SALE ON!

5

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in MUFFINTOP DIY, Uncategorized | Posted on 29-06-2014

Tags: , ,

If you’re like me, you don’t have a lot of time to browse for home decor. Can you imagine the mayhem that would ensue if I were to take my three frat boys shopping in a store full of items just begging to be broken?! The other thing is–budget. Like most, I don’t have an endless supply of dough to drop on decorating my home. I do, however, have time to shop online at odd hours! Putting my feet up after a day of busting up brawls over whose turn it is to hand the Costco guy our receipt (really!) and shopping in the comfort of my tush on the couch is perfect.

Wayfair.com sells everything from lamps to rugs to furniture to cookware to bedding to…..well, it sells almost anything you could need in your home. Every day at noon they put certain items on their “Daily Sales” page–they stay up for a limited time– and that’s when you can really score some serious deals. Up to 70% off. What?! And shipping is free if your purchase is over $49 ($4.99 flat rate if under $49), and they ship within 24 hours of your order. (What is worse than scoring something fun online and waiting forever for the Pony Express to bring it? Seriously. Pet peeve.) If you see something you love, don’t delay, because it might be gone if you wait! Be sure to sign up for Wayfair Rewards if you visit the site. That way you can earn 3% BACK on every purchase.  The more you shop, the more you earn. Reward dollars can be applied toward any future purchase, and there are NO product restrictions. No brainer!

I just scored a gorgeous rug on daily sales for my foyer that cost less than a hundred bucks, delivered. I don’t think you could beat that at local bricks and mortar store. The rug I had previously was super cute but it was a really deep green and white which did nothing to tie in the colors in the adjoining rooms directly off my small foyer. This rug totally fit the bill. The greens and blues in the rug totally played off the small blue table I have in my foyer, and the blues in my dining room, and grey in my office. I feel like the foyer still needs some TLC (Let’s not discuss the carpet on my stairs I am trying to hide from your view! Or the lovely stickers I cannot seem to get off the front door!) but this elegant rug has done wonders tying everything together.

Here are some pics:

COME ON IN!

COME ON IN!

DSCN0720

WELCOME! LIKE MY AWESOME RUG? PLEASE DON’T TRIP OVER THE BEYBLADE WHEN YOU WALK IN, AND FEEL FREE TO HELP ME VACUUM. JUST KEEPING IT REAL HERE. DOESN’T THE RUG ADD CHARACTER THOUGH???

 

PERHAPS YOU CAN SEE THE BLUE IN THE DINING ROOM? IT MAKES A NICE BACKDROP FOR THE CROOKED PAINTING? I LIKE TO THINK THE FOYER RUG TIES IN!

PERHAPS YOU CAN SEE THE BLUE IN THE DINING ROOM? IT MAKES A NICE BACKDROP FOR THE CROOKED PAINTING? I LIKE TO THINK THE FOYER RUG TIES IN!

DSCN0729

CLOSE UP OF THE GORGEOUS PATTERN AND COLORS.

 

I LIKE IT WITH THE GREEN PLANTS AS WELL. P.S. ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET STICKERS OFF A DOOR?

I LIKE IT WITH THE GREEN PLANTS AS WELL. P.S. ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET STICKERS OFF A DOOR?

Originally, I was going to grab this rug which I love as well, but I hestitated and then the 4×6 was sold out. I couldn’t be happier with my choice, but this daily sale was a fabulous find as well. What do you think?

 

STILL LOVE!

STILL LOVE!

You can probably tell I struggle to keep my house tidy–and I’m always tripping over shoes. Last year I actually broke my toe tripping on a clunky basketball sneaker in the middle of my kitchen. So this stylish shoe storage solution was another daily steal that caught my eye for obvious reasons!

How fabulous would it be to stuff your shoes in this pretty piece of furniture?

How fabulous would it be to stuff your shoes in this pretty piece of furniture?

You never know what you might find at Wayfair, never mind for a crazy deal on the Daily Sales. What are you in the market for? Sign up for Daily Sales and let the shopping and saving begin!

 

 

 

Wayfair

Sign up for Wayfair Daily Sales Emails

*Wayfair provided me with $100 gift card to facilitate this post. As always, all opinions are 100% my own, period, the end.

TARGET WALLPAPER, A PAINTED VANITY, AND DIY BOARD AND BATTEN MOLDING IN ONE, SMALL POWDER ROOM.

2

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in MUFFINTOP DIY, Uncategorized | Posted on 23-06-2014

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here is a tale of a “simple”, small project that turned into a runaway train faster than I could mutter Mich Ultra. I am going to tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly, straight up. Buckle up, because one project turned into at least three.

My half bath on my first floor had seen better days. For months I’d been trolling Pinterest for ideas, and was intrigued with the idea of board and batten molding. I thought it actually looked like it might be a fairly easy DIY project for someone like me with limited skillz and tools. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I was on a local kitchen tour in my town. I spied the molding in one of the homes that happened to be owned by a builder. Having the chance to see the molding up close and personal inspired me because I realized there were NO angle cuts involved. And if that was good enough for his beautiful custom house, it was good enough for me!

There I was with 5 year old in Lowe’s at lunch time a week later, when, on a total low blood sugary whim, I decided we were going to install molding. THAT DAY. We grabbed a wheely thing and loaded it up with 2×6 pine boards and 6 feet tall thinner boards (I forget the name of them—I’m so professional). I grabbed a box of finish nails and we were off! I dropped about $35 on wood and nails for the project. Not bad! (Faux pro tip: invest in a $5 level!)

I had a hammer at home and a manual miter box and saw. I think the miter box kits cost around $10 bucks. Here is the box–I used a hand saw and this box to cut everysinglepieceofwood. Are you there arthritis, it’s me, Muffintopmommy! By the end I was sweating and my hands were cramped but I did it! The thin, six foot boards I cut in two to make two three feet boards times….again and again. And again. I lost count. Math. Not my strong suit.

CALL ME BOB VILA. I'M FOR HIRE.

CALL ME BOB VILA. I’M FOR HIRE.

Here is a rough idea of what the room looked like before.

I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A TRUE BEFORE SHOT BEFORE I STARTED MY JOB AND TOOK AWAY ONE OF THE BASKETS, ETC, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA!

I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A TRUE BEFORE SHOT BEFORE I STARTED MY JOB AND TOOK AWAY ONE OF THE BASKETS, ETC, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA!

I still liked my vanity a lot–we had ripped out the builder vanity three years ago and installed this one ourselves. Over the past three years of getting clanged and banged by three boys, its espresso finish was starting to look banged up. I decided after I installed the board and batten I’d paint it grey.

But first! My molding.

Truth time. Mistake number one that I made was the baseboard moldings. There is a lot of debate about installing board and batten and how to deal with moldings like mine—pretty common ones that have a curved cut at the top versus the 90 degree angle boards used for board and batten. I thought ripping out moldings without damaging my paper mache walls was above my pay grade and I still think I was right. Instead, I decided to just rest the bottom of the vertical boards on top of the ridge at the top of my baseboard molding. Confused yet? Yup, me too! After I finished the chair rail and vertical boards and surveyed my work that first night, I wasn’t satisfied with how it looked.

SEE THE VERTICAL BOARDS JUST RESTING ON THE BASEBOARD?

SEE THE VERTICAL BOARDS JUST RESTING ON THE BASEBOARD?

So after feeling like I was finished, I decided to add the same wood I used for the chair rail and install it in between the vertical boards or else it would bug me for all eternity. Or at least every time I took care of biz. This was NOT fun because I had to do lots of measurements. It wasn’t hard–it was just tedious, and it’s a little harder to saw through the 2×6 boards. But I did it. ROAR. In retrospect? It would have been easier to do the bottom board at the same time as the chair rail–in one long board, instead of having to cut random shorter boards to go in between the vertical boards. If I’d done that, I would have had to make way less cuts on the horizontal boards, and even cuts on all the vertical boards. Now we know, people!

IMG_1374

SORRY FOR THE TOILETTE SHOT, BUT JUST KEEPING IT REAL. PERHAPS FOR MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT THIS PROJECT, I SHOULD HAVE AVOIDED A ROOM WITH SMALL SPACES THAT WOULD BETTER SUIT SOMEONE HOBBIT SIZE!

SORRY FOR THE TOILETTE SHOT, BUT JUST KEEPING IT REAL. PERHAPS FOR MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT THIS PROJECT, I SHOULD HAVE AVOIDED A ROOM WITH SMALL SPACES THAT WOULD BETTER SUIT SOMEONE HOBBIT SIZE!

In retrospect, it would have been easier to first attempt this project in a room that was more square with less angles and less awkwardly small spaces. This is what I get for impulsively buying wood and nails when I’m hangry and with a 5 year old who tells me what an awesome idea I have because he thinks he’s going to get to hammer nails! (Chill social services, he just held the tape measure!) I wound up rocking some funky yoga poses with my hammer and nails due to the minion bathroom I was working in. We won’t talk about my vocabulary! The other thing that would have made much more sense, would have been to paint the bottom half of the wall first. I am pretty sure I did about six coats of white. I lost count. Wo-manual labor ain’t easy. Really. Again, more with the squeezing into hobbit sized spaces and swearing. Who am I?

I’m a bad person. (But I love my new bathroom!)

I FORGET WHAT #COAT THIS IS. I HAVE PTSD.

I FORGET WHAT #COAT THIS IS. I HAVE PTSD.

 

IMG_1517

See the straight cut? Not too bad!

After I finished the board and batten, and planned to paint the vanity grey, I decided if I painted the vanity grey, that I needed new knobs. And, I was dying to try the new Target wallpaper, so I decided I’d paper the top half of the bathroom above the chair rail. And if I did that, I’d have to paint the mirror, which was an oil rubbed bronze color.

RUN-A-WAY TRAIN.

If you’ve contemplated trying the Tarjay wallpaper, let me say I found it difficult to work with. It is fabulous in that it is peel and stick paper that is easy to remove and move around BUT…..the flip side is it is roughly the texture and weight of contact paper. I thought the paper would cover up some imperfections in my wall and it did not. Personally, I think this paper would be best in small spaces. It would pack a serious punch for example lining the back of book shelves, built ins, maybe the top of a coffee table? Once I pain stakingly hung the paper behind my vanity and exercised my salty vocab skills A-GAIN, I had to revise my plans—the wall behind the vanity became an accent wall and that was that—my mental health nor my wallet could survive doing even a hobbit sized room in this $hit. I spent $30 on one roll of paper to do that small wall and probably have enough left for a teeny weeny project. There is, of course, waste due to lining up the patterns. (Death to faux wallpaper!)

Love the pattern though–there are lots of fun ones, and I love that it prompted me to try something new in a color I wouldn’t ordinarily choose. I feel like my powder room is a ray of sunshine, literally, and know I will come to appreciate it more during our cold ass winters!

Here are some pics of the paper:

NOT AS WIDE AS I ENVISIONED. LE SIGH.

NOT AS WIDE AS I ENVISIONED. LE SIGH.

ONE STRIP UP. AND GUESS WHAT? IT DIDN'T LINE UP WELL IN CORNER--CROOKED WALL OR CROOKED MUFFIN TOP!

ONE STRIP UP. AND GUESS WHAT? IT DIDN’T LINE UP WELL IN CORNER–CROOKED WALL OR CROOKED MUFFIN TOP!

NEXT STRIP. MORE SWEARING WHILE TRYING TO LINE IT UP.

NEXT STRIP. MORE SWEARING WHILE TRYING TO LINE IT UP.

THE MOFO IS DONE! BUT NOW I DECIDE I NEED TO ADD QUARTER ROUND TO CAMO THE CROOKEDNESS THAT IS REVEALED! CHOO CHOO!

THE MOFO IS DONE! BUT NOW I DECIDE I NEED TO ADD QUARTER ROUND TO CAMO THE CROOKEDNESS THAT IS REVEALED! CHOO CHOO!

PRE QUARTER ROUND AROUND MY FUN WALLPAPER!

PRE QUARTER ROUND AROUND MY FUN WALLPAPER!

 

I brought the paper to Sherwin-Williams and had them color match me some paint in Emerald because I wasn’t about to try the Target “Devine Color” paint after my wallpaper debacle was less than devine. Sorry Target.

ANOTHER DEBACLE. RUSTOLEUM HAMMERED NICKEL SPRAY PAINT? NO! VALSPAR METALLIC NICKEL. YES! BRAIN DAMAGE FROM BREATHING 345 COATS OF SPRAY PAINT? ABSOLUTELY!

ANOTHER DEBACLE. RUSTOLEUM HAMMERED NICKEL SPRAY PAINT? NO! VALSPAR METALLIC NICKEL. YES! BRAIN DAMAGE FROM BREATHING 345 COATS OF SPRAY PAINT? ABSOLUTELY!

 

THIS HOBBIT SPACE WAS FUN TO PAINT!

THIS HOBBIT SPACE WAS FUN TO PAINT!

I sanded the vanity, gave it one coat of white primer, and then three coats of Ben Moore Chelsea grey mixed in Sherwin-Williams Duration. (30% off paint sale—sorry Ben, I did use you.) I used a combination of a small cabinet roller and angled Purdy brush. The knobs look like $5.99 worth of cut crystal (I’m fancaaaay!) from Home Depot. They look so awesome in the light! Truly! LOVE LOVE LOVE.

PRIMER. YUCK.

PRIMER. YUCK.

 

PAINT AND BLING KNOBS UP CLOSE.

PAINT AND BLING KNOBS UP CLOSE.

The grey definitely has some green tones. I was truthfully going for more of a charcoal but I do love it.

HERE IS A CLOSE UP OF THE VANITY AREA.

HERE IS A CLOSE UP OF THE VANITY AREA.

 

TOTALLY FORGOT (SPRAY PAINT FUMES....)...HAD TO SPRAY THE BASKETS WHITE BECAUSE THE OLD TANNISH COLOR WAS NO BUENO ANYMORE. ALSO? THESE BASKETS USED TO BE AT THE BOTTOM OF MY CHANGING TABLE. REPURPOSE..OH YEAH!

TOTALLY FORGOT (SPRAY PAINT FUMES….)…HAD TO SPRAY THE BASKETS WHITE BECAUSE THE OLD TANNISH COLOR WAS NO BUENO ANYMORE. ALSO? THESE BASKETS USED TO BE AT THE BOTTOM OF MY CHANGING TABLE. REPURPOSE..OH YEAH!

IS IT WRONG I TOOK MORE PICS OF MY TOILET THIS MONTH THAN MY KIDS?

IS IT WRONG I TOOK MORE PICS OF MY TOILET THIS MONTH THAN MY KIDS?

Meet my new fave friend, this adorable deer. Which is crooked, because the hooks on the back of him are crooked. And the hook on the picture frame is crooked. I swear. It’s not me–it’s them.

It is!

photo-146

A FEW BUCKS WORTH OF FRESH FLOWERS MAKE ME HAPPY AND ADD MORE COLOR. ESPECIALLY IN AN OLD MILK JUG.

photo-147

IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS POST, WASH YOUR HANDS!

Also?

SAFETY GOGGLES SHOULD BE USED WHEN HAMMERING NAILS. I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT IF I HADN'T SNORTED THE SPRAY PAINT.

SAFETY GOGGLES SHOULD BE USED WHEN HAMMERING NAILS. I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT IF I HADN’T SNORTED THE SPRAY PAINT.

 

 

 

IMG_1476

THAT’S IT! What are you waiting for?? For around $100 bucks–if you’re not a type A personality and you don’t mind a crooked wall here or there, you can have a whole new look in your bathroom. And, get a hell of a yoga workout in. Bonus! (Not really.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MARTHA SPEAKS—YOUR KIDS SHOULD LISTEN. THEY’LL SOUND WICKED SMART.

2

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in Boys, boys, boys! And did I mention, boys?, Uncategorized | Posted on 13-06-2014

Tags: ,

Haven’t we all wanted a talking dog at one point or another? Wait. Don’t answer that. Would they still be man’s best friend if they could tell all our secrets?!

Either way! Martha Speaks is kicking off a fun week of new episodes and games highlighting awesome vocabulary, starting this Monday, June 16th on PBS KIDS. Martha Speaks is perfect show to hold your kids’ attention and let you have a guilt free break because it works to enhance their vocabulary by using a chatty dog, Martha. Win, win! Help your kid become the smartest talker on the playground and tune in to one of the new episodes, like Thou Callest Me a Dog—it’s all about Shakespeare! Frankly, PBS KIDS, I could have used that episode junior year in college when I was trudging through The Complete Works of Shakespeare! 876 episodes of 90210 got me nothing but Peach Pit envy.

Some of the words covered in the Shakespeare episode are soliloquy, dialogue,  and producer.  Watch out world—we’re over seeing Spot run! Other episodes will introduce integrity, digress, tangent, convey, punctuation…..my heart is skipping a beat and I’m geeking out. I’m not going to lie. Why did I not think of this show? Probably because I was dreaming of dating Dylan instead of reading more Shakespeare. But I digress……(sorry, I can’t help it. Really. I know. I’ll stop now.)

I WANT TO CONVEY I KNOW BIG WORDS, MAMA!

I WANT TO CONVEY I KNOW BIG WORDS, MAMA!

 

Be sure to visit PBS KIDS on the Martha Speaks page to play the new Martha Steaks game! Kids learn new vocabulary as they help Martha’s friends tumble through a dream land for Martha—of steaks and falling hamburgers!

Now I’m hungry! If only it could rain Michelob Ultra in here. Ahhh….

So put your feet up mama, get your kid schooled in some awesome vocab words, and when they sound wicked smaht on the playground, it will be our secret! Cheers!

MY SON AND HIS BUDDY GETTING A JUMP START ON BEING WICKED SMAHT WITH A SNEAK PREVIEW OF SOME NEW EPISODES!

MY SON AND HIS BUDDY GETTING A JUMP START ON BEING WICKED SMAHT WITH A SNEAK PREVIEW OF SOME NEW EPISODES!

*I received a Martha Speaks Kit containing books, DVDs, and items from sponsors in order to facilitate this review. As always, all opinions art thou my own. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I probably messed that up. It’s all Brandon Walsh’s fault.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN ODE TO THE NEVER ENDING SCHOOL YEAR

4

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 29-05-2014

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Hey, school year

I’m done with you!

 

Getting up at the crack

To make all those lunches

Oops forgot to buy new bread

I wanna throw some punches.

 

Permission slips, class parties, more homework

I don’t care what 2 + 2 is

I’m gonna go berserk.

eeee8132

STALE BREAD AGAIN?!
*Graphic courtesy of Photobucket

More standardized testing

To see how smart they are

Don’t fill in the wrong bubble!

Or you’ll never get that far!

 

You can paint a picture

And play on your recorder

But flunk the 3rd grade test?

You wind up in mama’s basement as a boarder.

 

Racing kids to school

My pj pants on fire

Told the kids I used to look good

But they called me a big, fat li-ah.

 

In Septemer I’d wash my hair and do up my face

Now I shuffle in like a hobo who just got maced

“Wait!” I holler, one eye open, “Here’s your library book!”

Your mama is a hobo but she ain’t no crook!

HEY, YOUR MOM LOOKS A LITTLE...PIQUED.

HEY, YOUR MOM LOOKS A LITTLE…BAD.

 

PTA, you stay away!

Who has time for that today!

Not I! Not me!

I… have to wash my hair you see

It will just take one small hour?

Fine! I’ll do it in the shower!

 

Schlepping to the sports field after school is just so dreamy.

My head hurts from new math so stop being screamy!

Your kid’s not going pro; I don’t care where you work

Unless you sell fresh bread and milk, go away you jerk.

 

Going home with hungry kids

It’s time for dinner!

Stick my head in the freezer.

I really am a winner.

Bad news, petrified fish sticks is dinner for us

But I did find a lost library book–that’s a plus!

 

Waving the white flag–this game is done.

I did my best and it’s true, I failed.

The mother of the year train has long derailed.

 

When the final bus pulls up

I hope you’ll join me for a cup

And toast that we can be so free

What? It’s only noon noon not three?

I won’t tell on you, if you don’t tell on me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALL ABOARD THE CROSS SOUND FERRY TO LONG ISLAND WINERIES!

5

Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in MTM hits the road!, Uncategorized | Posted on 18-05-2014


I can’t believe I made it FORTY years without knowing anything about the North Fork of Long Island. Growing up in the Boston area, anything west or south of Hartford is a Mason-Dixon line of sorts. Red Sox versus Yankees! When I think beaches, I think the cape or the Maine coast. When I think wineries, I think Napa. When I think quaint towns with cute shops, restaurants, and bars, I think quintessential New England. And when I think New York, I think the city–fun for a weekend.

How dare I be so ill informed! Who knew a two hour ride to New London, Connecticut and an easy, scenic 80 minute ferry ride (40 on the fast one!) on the Cross Sound Ferry would open my eyes to a gorgeous area that is part beaches, part farmland, part wineries, part small

I'M SMILING BECAUSE A FUN BOAT IS ABOUT TO TAKE ME AWAY WITH THE FUN AMY ADAMS DOUBLE, DOLLOPS OF DIANE, AND LOLLIE WEEKS FROM FORTUITOUS HOUSEWIFE!

I’M SMILING BECAUSE A BOAT IS ABOUT TO TAKE ME AWAY WITH THE AMY ADAMS BODY DOUBLE, DOLLOPS OF DIANE, AND FUNTASTIC LOLLIE WEEKS FROM FORTUITOUS HOUSEWIFE!

town charm? One quick ferry ride saves you 200 miles of potential gridlock and is the gateway to over 50, yes 50, producers of world class wines. Now you know!

 

North Fork of Long Island, where have you been all my life?! I can tell you this was my first trip to the North Fork, but certainly will not be my last. I was already planning a return trip while I was there—this would be an ideal girl’s weekend or quick getaway with the hubs. I went to Napa once with the hubs, pre kids, and while it was undeniably lovely and such a fun time, it is not feasible at this point in my life to haul across country when I have three young kids and a smaller budget—due to aforementioned offspring sucking me dry! North Fork is so doable from any part of New England for a weekend and it won’t bust your budget to get there.  And you get wineries AND the ocean. Wine + the ocean for the win!

As luck would have it, I got the unique opportunity to travel with a few dozen writers to experience all that North Fork has to offer on a whirlwind two day tour with my good friend of Muffintopmommy lore, Lisa the Crappy Photographer. After the mortifying experience of me looking like I was nuzzling Seth Meyers a few years ago when I stalked him, Lisa was expressly prohibited from operating a camera on this trip. (I wasn’t nuzzling Seth Meyers! I tilted my head so I would look like I had two chins instead of three!)

After a comfy ride to New York on the ferry, which is, by the way, stocked with roomy, cushy seats, a tv room, party snacks, drinks, and adult beverages, we were picked up by the lovely Vintage Tours and driven to a tasty lunch at The Loft in Greenport. By the way, you can bring your car on the ferry if you’d like (the fast ferry is passenger only)—but personally, I could get used to having someone haul me around and doubt I’d bring mine! And, although the weather was rainy, that did not dampen the spirits of anyone we encountered on our two day trip. I spied a fun looking deck at The Loft that I am sure is hopping when the weather is more cooperative. I do think springing for transportation or befriending a teetotaller to drive you is a smart idea and we were grateful for the safe and friendly transportation!

Bedell Cellars in Cutchogue was our first stop. A gorgeous, sophisticated operation, Bedell has been making wines since 1980. What’s interesting to note is that the climate for wine making here is similar to parts of France. Oui, it’s true. One of Bedell’s merlots was served at President Obama’s second inauguration. Well, well, well! While we didn’t get to taste that particular sold out wine, we did taste many and they were excellent. Um, I could say this wine had a hint of vanilla and earthy tones or I detected a note of pear in another, but let’s just say my palate is not that sophisticated. I just know if I taste something and I like it. I’m going to just admit it. I loved them all and we received an education from Richard the winemaker, who was so chill, I could listen to him talk about winemaking all day. Really. You want to really unplug? Listen to someone who has a passion talk about making great wine in a beautiful setting and then get to try it. I haven’t felt a calm like that in a while. Truly.

LISA THE CRAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER, NO SUDDEN MOVES PLEASE! I DIDN'T BRING ENOUGH CASH TO COVER YOU PULLING AN I LOVE LUCY WITH THE GRAPES!

LISA THE CRAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER, NO SUDDEN MOVES PLEASE! I DIDN’T BRING ENOUGH CASH TO COVER YOU PULLING AN I LOVE LUCY WITH THE GRAPES!

 

The Harborfront Inn graciously accommodated Lisa and me, as well as several other writers. This stylish hotel has an excellent in town location in Greenport, with lovely views of the harbor and carousel, and…..bonus…..is directly across the street from a wine shop and convenience store. Hey, you never know when you might need yet another glass of wine or peanut brittle that you cannot eat at home because your kids are deathly allergic so FYI, people! While the weather didn’t permit, it has a nice outdoor pool as well, and is in walking distance to bars, shops, and fine restaurants, like Noah’s, who catered our delicious tapas style dinner at Kontokosta Winery.

IMG_1138

KONTOKOSTA WINERY….GORGEOUS!

I'M A WRITER, NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER, BUT LOOK!!!!!

I’M A WRITER, NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER, BUT LOOK!!!!!

IMG_1140

Kontokosta Winery is a newer winery, set back from the street, with sweeping views of the water if you are not too lazy to meander across the expansive lawn to see. The building is architecturally stunning but what stood out to me was the genuine hospitality we experienced there. Polly, the manager, poured us everything from chardonnay, to sauv blancs, to viogniers, to merlots to blends and back again, and even let us try their special olive oils. I picked up a delicious tangelo blend for the hubs (he deserved a prize for juggling his schedule so I could go live the high life for two days!) and I can’t wait for him to make me some fish with it. (Ulterior motive revealed.) The owner, Michael Kontokosta, graciously gave us a behind the scenes tour and we were able to sample wines that are not yet ready for distribution. Delish and what a special night that I won’t soon forget.

HEY BUDDY, CAN YOU GRAB ME A GLASS OF WINE? FUN FACT: THAT PLASTIC TUBE HE IS USING TO GET WINE OUT OF THE BARREL IS CALLED A THIEF. NUM, NUM. I'LL TAKE ONE BARREL TO GO, PLEASE!

HEY BUDDY, CAN YOU GRAB ME A GLASS OF WINE? FUN FACT: THAT PLASTIC TUBE HE IS USING TO GET WINE OUT OF THE BARREL IS CALLED A THIEF. NUM, NUM. I’LL TAKE ONE BARREL TO GO, PLEASE!

WHO KNEW THERE WOULD BE OLIVE OIL TOO, AND THE SUPER HOSPITABLE POLLY, WHO LET US TRY EVERYTHING!

WHO KNEW THERE WOULD BE OLIVE OIL TOO, AND THE SUPER HOSPITABLE POLLY, WHO LET US TRY EVERYTHING!

 

A night that continued with an after par-tay at the fun, eclectic bed and breakfast, located in downtown Greenport, called Ruby’s Cove. People, this place is a treat, and I hear they serve a mean breakfast. The owner, Donna, is as warm and kind as they come, and rolled out the red carpet for us. I could have sat on her front porch all night, but the Greenport Harbor Brewing Company conveniently located next door beckened, and that’s when Lisa the Crappy Photographer tried to get me thrown in the clink! (Good to know if you need to make a safe dash out: Donna offers free bikes for her guests to use!)

SERIOUSLY LISA THE CRAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER, STOP TRYING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE. JAIL? NO THANKS!

SERIOUSLY LISA THE CRAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER, STOP TRYING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE. JAIL? NO THANKS!

The next morning we were treated to breakfast at Harvest Inn. This it the place to stay if you are a foodie and/or you really want to feel like you walked into the house that Martha Stewart and Ina Gartner would own if they hooked up. This house is the stuff my dreams are made of. A deep, comfy porch, wide pine floors inside, a soothing color scheme with beautiful furnishings….ahh! The husband and wife duo, Christopher and Daroyln, could not have been more gracious and BONUS, he is a native of Boston and is a Red Sox fan. No wonder why I felt so at home. Like that wasn’t enough, he is a trained chef and made a mad quiche with local ingredients that I am still dreaming about. No leggo my Eggo here!

CHRISTOPHER AND DAROLYN, WILL YOU ADOPT ME??

CHRISTOPHER AND DAROLYN, WILL YOU ADOPT ME??

After someone peeled me off their porch due to a quiche coma, we were off to the Old Field Vineyards. One of these things is not like the other…tada. At Old Field, you are greeted by chickens and roosters walking around, clucking (Ok, I’m not sure if clucking is the exact right term for this but they were hooting and hollering and it cracked me up. I was so wishing my boys were with me so I took a short video!). While the other wineries were more slick and sophisticated, this winery is much more an old skool family business, a working farm on land passed down for generations, and the love this mother/daughter farming/winemaking duo has for the whole process, and their clucking inhabitants, is demonstrated in some damn fine wine! While they might not produce the volume of some of their neighbors, they are clearly committed to putting forth the best product possible, and the heart and soul of the place is so palpable as you taste the wines. I just loved that place. I could have stayed all day.

WELL HI THERE, I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF YOUR FINEST CHARDONNAY, PLEASE!

WELL HI THERE, I’LL HAVE A GLASS OF YOUR FINEST CHARDONNAY, PLEASE!

Orient by the Sea was kind enough to fill our tummies with a delicious lunch right before we caught the ferry back to New London. It’s conveniently located right next to the ferry..which sadly, took us away from the North Fork!

Until we meet again, North Fork of Long Island………a sincere thank you for such lovely hospitality….cheers!

IS THAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT OR WHAT? FORGET YOU, CALGON...CROSS POINT FERRY, TAKE ME AAAAWAY!

IS THAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT OR WHAT? FORGET YOU, CALGON…CROSS SOUND FERRY, TAKE ME AAAAWAY!

*I received a complimentary tour and stay on Long Island as part of a writers’ tour. As always, all opinions are my own. Period. The end.