I cannot STAND when people leave me hanging!

Which is why I feel so flat out ter-ri-blaaaay that I had a contest on my blog, and then left six hours after the contest deadline for a destination where I had no wireless internet for two weeks. (You know what? At first I was all, “Whaaa??” when I sat down with my laptop and realized I was so shut out, but it did not suck. I had my phone to keep up with Facebookin’/TomKat’s divorce, etc, but overall, it was a great chance to disconnect and bond with the fam.) The fun, the sun, the sand, the tantrums, and…..the impending melanoma??? I’m sure I’ll be sending some dermatologist’s kid to college some day if my arteries don’t clog first, but for now, all good!

The really good news is I had full access to Real Housewives of New Jersey, Fifty Shades of Grey and Doc McStuffins, so I absolutely kept my brain active. (Bites lip vs. flips table. I’d love to see Teresa go wo-mano to wo-mano with Ana! Sweet Doc McStuffins could patch them up after the Brawl de Beatches and teach them a thing or two.)

Anyway, since I couldn’t blog and announce the winner while I was away, I put most of my energy into working the muffin top and honing my fourth chin. It went well. It really did.

The even better news is, there was no dishwasher OR washer and dryer on my witness protection getaway, so I got to watch my hubs do dishes by hand while I supervised (I really should thank my mother in law, shouldn’t I?) and kill the environment one paper plate at at time (hanging head in shame). Witness protection has its benefits though.

EVERYONE IN WITNESS PROTECTION NEEDS A BODYGUARD. THIS IS MUSCLES MAGOO. HE WILL FLATTEN YOU IF YOU TRY TO TAKE OUR LAST COOKIE. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE.

Yet another highlight? Visiting a laundromat that has remained untouched since the Carter administration:

I FORGOT MY STINKING ASH TRAY AGAIN! (AND MY COOLER. IT WAS LIKE 157 BILLION DEGREES IN THERE. IF I EVER OPEN A LAUNDROMAT, IT'S GONNA HAVE A BAR IN IT. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA OR IMMA SENDING MUSCLES MAGOO AFTER YOUR ASS.)

The only thing they seem to have updated in that laundry joint is the prices. I smell a racket!

Despite my groovy hot tub time machine trip, when I still came home with 473 loads of laundry, I truly felt grateful I have a washer and dryer and that I can save my quarters for tolls future casino trips.

I THINK THE MAKERS OF "ALL" LAUNDRY DETERGENT NEED TO BE SENDING ME A THANK YOU NOTE!

I have to tell you, your responses to the caption challenge truly made me laugh out loud—I thank every one of you who took a shot—I love and appreciate that you did. It was way harder than I thought to pick a winner, but ultimately I had to go with the caption that made hubs and me laugh the hardest. I will be having another contest in a few weeks so I do hope you stay tuned for another chance.

Sooooo, congrats to Keri, you are the big WINNAH! Email me your addy to janet at muffintopmommy.com with the title “Contest Winnah”. As soon as Mommy Mixology is out (the publication date just got pushed back to August, boo), your copy will be in the mail! You seriously had me at, “Provides hours of fun without any mouthy sarcasm.” Peed mah Hanes Her Way granny pants. Not an easy feat. (Ok, kind of an easy feat, but usually that happens on trampolines/overrated exercises and not from laughing.)

In the meantime, Thursday night I’m participating in a podcast with Amber at www.strocel.com and I’ll let you know when that’s available if you’d like to listen. There are other upcoming events for Mommy Mixology so stay tuned here and on my Muffintopmommy pages on Facebook if you’re up for it.

Until then, rock the top!