Posted by muffintopmommy | Posted in got what I ne-ed, Random Rage | Posted on 11-02-2011

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 GUEST POST ALERT: We have so much love for Valentine’s Day here at Muffintopmommy, there will be TWO V-Day posts this year. Today’s post is brought to you by our friend, Lisa.You may remember this well known room mama for her invaluable post on navigating a successful school year? Well, she’s finally come out of hiding (either that or she’s been stuck on 128 in a snow squall since November….or maybe in my garage drinking beer out of a can….who really knows) in time to get her V-Day bashing on. Enjoy….the following post is Muffintopmommy approved!

Love and hearts and all that junk,



Happy Valentine’s Day – Here are your PAJAMAS?!?

The flower and teddy bear commercials aren’t bad enough, but this time of year whenever we turn on the radio we hear the voice of our favorite radio personalities trying to convince us what every woman truly wants for Valentines Day – pajamas.

Yes, pajamas.

“She’ll think of you every time she puts them on – or takes them off.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if the relationship were going really well, there wouldn’t be any talk of pajamas. You’d probably skip right over that part, no?

And if that isn’t insulting enough, the ads actually state, ”It only takes minutes to buy, but she’ll think you spent weeks choosing the perfect gift.”

Uh, no she won’t. Because she actually HEARD THE SAME RADIO AD — YOU MORONS!!!

Being the fair person that my mother really wanted to raise, I decide to give them a chance. Maybe it’s just me — maybe others really do think PJ’s are romantic. I’m no longer in the ‘need to impress to keep the spark alive’ category. I’ve moved into the ‘I’ve given birth to each of these children and you’re lucky I can pretend to fit my expansive arse into something remotely resembling anything available on the same floor where pajamas are sold’ category, so I foolishly decided to go online to check out their website to see what the buzz was all about.

Yes folks, it’s as pathetic as described in the radio ads — a woman sprawled about on some tasteful white bedding in what is titled a ‘hoodie-footie’, designed to keep her warm from head to toe. You got it— cover it all up. Oh she’s smiling all right —- mainly because she’s all of 17, psyched that someone is willing to cut her a big, fat, modeling check for putting on more clothing than I would wear to the grocery store.

I give the company credit — they try to spice it up by showing a photo of three women wearing three different styles of PJ’s. In some context, the sexy sleepover card could be played, but not when each woman is sporting more fabric than my dining room table and one of the models looks old enough to be my mother.  Maybe the Diane Keaton pillow fight idea should be pitched to those people who think showing an AARP card carrying, Olive Garden style dining, erectile dysfunction medication using, couple in a bath tub during national sporting events isn’t depressing.

And if head-to-toe fleece-armor weren’t enough, this romantic gift is only available in cotton candy pink. The only people in my house smiling about cotton candy pink PJ’s are not yet old enough to ride the school bus.


But wait —- if the hooded footie PJ’s aren’t insulting enough on their own – –you can couple them with a stuffed animal —- wearing the same pathetic outfit. Again, very cute for anyone under the age of 7.


This is further proof Valentine’s Day is one of those hellacious faux holidays. Thank you Hallmark for pressuring people into thinking that you can only show your love for someone by over spending on that one over advertised day each year.


Valentine’s Day is confusing. It makes single people feel like complete crap. Those in new relationships are anxiety ridden about what is appropriate or not. Those in ‘established’ relationships are caught in the cross between under-celebrating and appearing like they are over-compensating for a total lack of interest. And school children everywhere are just plain annoyed.

Even though we live in the ‘everyone gets a trophy’ generation, our children have figured out that this ‘holiday’ is a load of crap.

‘What are we celebrating anyway Mom?’

“It’s a day for people to express their true feelings and tell each other how much we love them.”

“Shouldn’t you tell people that you love them all the time? Why just today? That doesn’t make any sense.”

No, it doesn’t. It’s like forced family fun. Which can be made exponentially worse by requiring all of your family members to wear matching hoodie-footie ’ as advertised on the radio.

 But smile children, you need to make a Valentine for everyone in the class.

“Why Mom, I don’t even like Johnny! (* names have been changed to protect our reputation at recess), I’m not going send him a card that says ‘Smile, somebody loves you’!”

I’m sure you can find something in that over-priced box of miniature commercial cheapness.

“Here’s one that says ‘Be Mine’, maybe I can change it to read ‘Be Nice’ and he’ll stop throwing snowballs at me on the playground.”

(Editor’s note to Lisa’s daughter: Everyone knows throwing a snowball at someone’s face is really just a New Englander’s way of saying, “I heart you!” That boy totally digs you! Um, sorry Lisa. She has a right to know. )

And even the younger, less cynical pre-school children think it’s a hoax.

“Why can’t I just make one for my friends? Why do I have to make one for Sally? She eats crayons and bites people, I don’t want to be her Valentine.”

Bingo, kiddos.

We shouldn’t be told who to like, love or greet with Valentine’s Day wishes.

We shouldn’t be told how to express our love, admiration or complete disgust.

We shouldn’t be told when to express any of these feelings.

We shouldn’t be forced to wear or purchase pink PJs. Ever.

 And we certainly shouldn’t plan our course of action based upon a radio ad.

So on this Valentine’s Day let’s all take a minute to  tell those we love (be it our spouse, children, parents, friends, Oprah’s new half sister) why we love them and why we appreciate them being a part of our lives. Then make a pact never to get involved in shopping for PJ’s for anyone over the age of 10.