I’ve been discovered! I have. It’s awesome. I’ve been wishing, hoping, someone in a position of authority would contact me regarding my blog. Well muffintoppers, that day has come. I received the following email at my muffintopmommy address. I’ve posted the actual email so you can share in my excitement. (And, not to get all braggy on you, show just how important a gal I am!) My responses are in CAPS throughout the email. Ready? 

Dear Janet,
We came across your blog, Muffintop Mommy and see that you are an influential voice among the parenting community in Boston (I AM? THAT IS SCARY. BECAUSE I LIVE ALMOST AN HOUR AWAY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH IS A CHICK FROM THE GRANITE STATE WHO’S BEEN KNOWN TO YELL, “MOVE IT D BAG!” IN FRONT OF HER KIDS IN THE CAR? NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE LEAVING MASS IN DROVES!) We wanted to reach out to you to tell you about an important citywide campaign that is taking place this summer- Boston’s first Soda-Free Summer Challenge. (SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE’S COUSIN NEEDED A MADE UP CUSHY TAX FUNDED JOB…. I MEAN, NEATO!)
Drinking soda can slow us down by causing weight gain and health problems, like type 2 diabetes and heart disease. (UM. I’M NO HEALTH NUT, BUT HAVE YOU TRIED DIET COKE? IT’S LIKE…ZERO CALORIES.) 

PLEASE NOTE THE CAN SAYS, "SUGAR FREE." PROBLEM SOLVED! GLAD I COULD HELP, GOVERNMENT!

Obesity and associated health problems are dramatically affecting our city, with recent data showing that 52 percent of adults are considered overweight or obese, and about half of high school students are either overweight or at-risk of being overweight. (DID YOU EVEN READ THE NAME OF MY BLOG? MUF-FIN-TOP-MOM-MY….AS IN, I HAVE A MUFFIN TOP. SOME FLAB IN MY ABS. CONTEXT CLUES, GOVERNMENT WONK…I’M KIND OF A FATTY… LIKE THE SCHLUMPS YOU ARE TARGETING. FIRST RULE OF A PITCH….KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE, GIRLFRIEND. YOU DON’T SEE PEOPLE HAWKING TWINKIES AT TRIATHALONS. YOU FOLLOW? ALSO? IF PEOPLE ARE FATTIES, IT’S THEIR FAULT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST MYOB. IT TOOK THE CITY OF BOSTON FOUR YEARS TO GIVE THE FIREFIGHTERS A CONTRACT, AND YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA GET THE MCCHUBBIES TO STOP DOING THE DEW IN TWO MONTHS? BTW, MAYOR MUMBLES MENINO LOOKS LIKE HE’S BEEN ENJOYING HIMSELF A FEW COKES. YOU SHOULD REALLY MAKE HIM YOUR POSTER CHILD. AND AFTER THE WAY HE TREATED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, I DOUBT THOSE JAKES WILL BE RUSHING DOWN WITH THEIR DEFRIBRILATORS IF MUMBLES GOES DOWN IN THE CONCRETE JUNGLE. HE MAY WANNA KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF OR LAY OFF ANGELA’S LASAGNA, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’?)
In response to this issue, the Boston Public Health Commission (BPHC) is launching Boston’s first citywide Soda-Free Summer Challenge. We are asking individuals and organizations to take a pledge to not drink soda for the summer. ( NO. JUST, NO. DIET COKE AND I? TO QUOTE THE GREAT CAROLINE MANZO OF JERSEY, WELL…”WE’RE THICK AS THIEVES.” YEAH. DIET COKE IS MY HOMIE. MY CRACK ATTACK. LA FAVORITO DRINKO. NEXT TO BEER. BUT FACE IT,  A MOM WITH AS MUCH INFLUENCE AS I..SIMPLY CANNOT BE SEEN SWILLING AND CHILLING BEFORE A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE HOUR, AM I RIGHT? SO DIET COKE IT IS! BRING ON….THE ASPARTAME. AHHH!)

BOSTON WILL KNOW. OH THEY WILL! THEY'LL KNOW IF YOU HAVE COKE. YOU WATCH IT, YOU PORTLY SCOFFLAW!

 
Since you are an influential voice in your community(NOT BOSTON) and a role model to your children (PLEASE REVIEW PARAGRAPH ONE), we would like to ask you to take the pledge and be a leader in this campaign. We realize you and some of your followers may not be residents of Boston proper (YOUR PLEA WILL TOTALLY RESONATE WITH MY READERS ACROSS THE POND. I JUST JOLLY KNOW IT! BRILLIANT!) , but we hope you see the importance of spreading the message to everyone – a healthy lifestyle shouldn’t be restricted to city limits! (NATCH! WE ARE THE WORLD! I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR FAILING SCHOOLS, RUNAWAY FIRE TRUCKS, OR DRIVE BY SHOOTINGS, DEFINITELY USE YOUR RESIDENTS’ HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS TO RID THE WORLD OF INSIDIOUS SODA! PRIORITIZE. YES!)
You can take the pledge on our Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/HealthyBoston) or on our website (www.bphc.org/sodafreesummer).  When you take the pledge, you will be entered into our weekly raffle for a chance to win some great health-oriented prizes that include online personal fitness training from Life in Synergy (GOOD THING IT’S ONLINE SINCE I LIVE….AN HOUR AWAY!), water bottles, healthy grocery store gift cards (YOU KNOW THEY SELL SODA AT THE GROCERY STORE, YES?), and a bicycle. (NO 30 PACKS? NO SOX TICKETS? A PIE FROM SANTARPIO’S? NO? NOTHING? THEN NO DICE!)
In addition, we are attaching a badge to display on your blog and/or Facebook page to demonstrate your commitment to your health, your children’s health, and the health of the community. (I AM COMMITTED TO MY CHILDREN’S HEALTH. WHICH IS WHY I DON’T LET THEM PLAY WITH MATCHES OR DRINK SUGARY SODA. I DON’T NEED YOUR BADGE TO TELL ME THAT. INSTEAD, I GIVE THEM “CRAP-I SUN”…WHICH IS….OH, SHIT, ALSO SUGAR LADEN. YEAH, WELL. UM. I’M A ROLE MODEL! YOU EVEN SAID IT!)You can also print out this badge to display in your home or your office. (OH SQUEE! I’VE BEEN MEANING TO REDECORATE!)
We would love to hear your thoughts, comments and questions. (NO, I DON’T THINK YOU WOULD.) Please contact BLABBITY BLAH (NAME X’D OUT TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT DO GOODER) for more information or to sign up to take the pledge!
 
Thank you, (YOU ARE SO WELCOME. NOW PLEASE CALL ME WHEN YOU HAVE A NEWSPAPER COLUMN, BOOK DEAL, A PRICEY AD TO RUN ON MY BLOG, OR MY LOTTERY WINNINGS. GOOD DAY!) 

BLABBITY BLAH
Boston Public Health Commission 

OH AND P.S. BOSTON PUBLIC HEALTH COMMISSION? YOU GET THE STFU FRIDAY SAMMIE. BUT DON’T WORRY, I’LL MAKE IT LOW SUGAR FOR YOU. FEEL FREE TO DISPLAY THE MUFFINTOPMOMMY LOGO ON YOUR DESK WHILE ENJOYING IT. IT WILL PAIR WELL WITH YOUR DELISH BOSTON CITY TAP WATER. I JUST KNOW IT!