LADIES AND GENTS, TWEEPS AND PEEPS, THIS IS THE SAILBOAT I SHALL ALLOW MY SONS TO CAPTAIN!

IN 1492 (an excerpt)

“In fourteen hundred ninety-two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He had three ships and left from Spain;
He sailed through sunshine, wind and rain.

He sailed by night; he sailed by day;
He used the stars to find his way.

A compass also helped him know
How to find the way to go.

Ninety sailors were on board;
Some men worked while others snored.”

Disclaimer: I might catch flak for this. I try not to be all judgy about how other people parent as I’m quite certain I’ve made my share of mistakes and I’ve only been one for five years….but I have to ask the question: Who the hell lets their 16 year old daughter sail around the world?

 Alone.

Um, yeah. Apparently some wing nuts from the OC.

I mean, dude. Don’t they know Christopher Columbus had like 90 guys with him when he was sailing around like a badass? (Granted, some of them were snoozing…and they say people don’t have a work ethic nowadays!) And he was just trying to go grab up some gold and go–he wasn’t trying to be a big showoff and circumnavigate the world!

Technology and boats have come a long way since 1492 when CC relied on the big dipper, but the ocean is still a mighty beast. One rogue wave (which happened to sailor girl) and you’re swimming with the fishes for real. Mother Nature can be cruel and unforgiving, and if you don’t believe it, go talk to the poor widows of seasoned fishermen and sailors who got swallowed by the sea faster than a WT guy in a wife beater can inhale a $5 footlong at Wal-Mart Subway. (Gotta do somthin’ while his baby mama shops for Cheez Doodles and Moutain Dew.) Um, but I digress!

I mean, do I admire this girl for her passion, determination, and mental fortitude? I do. She’s got pluck. She’ll be an interesting person to watch. Her life story will be fascinating, no doubt, if this is what she’s gunning for at 16. I rather doubt she’ll ever be asking anyone if they “want fries with that?”

But what she couldn’t have? The  judgment and the life experience of an adult.

And any adult should realize that. Her parents are lucky the French and Australian governments, who apparently racked up huge expenses funding jets and diverting boats to rescue her when her mast snapped from a horrible storm in the Indian Ocean, have been gracious and have no plans to send them some honking bill.

But really they’re just lucky she didn’t die. Or that none of the rescuers died as a result of their poor judgment and arrogance.

I have to wonder, is this an extreme version of parents (Dad is a shipwright and owns a yacht management company)trying to live vicariously through their kids, or gain notoriety through their kids? Just last year, this girl’s older brother successfully did sail around the world. When is enough, enough? I mean, I thought the hockey dads could be batshit crazy, but nope, we have a winner here!  

Not to mention, this girl is a high school junior. Shouldn’t she be screeching at Eclipse with her friends? Shopping for a prom dress? And no texting, no twitter, no Facebook? For months! She probably doesn’t even know who won American Idol! No Gossip Girl? No One Tree Hill? No Justin Bieber jokes to keep her going? Does she even know Albie might get tossed from Fordham Law and Ashley got booted from home?

What am I missing?

This was her dream? Really? Couldn’t wait til she was a legal adult of 18? Sorry….I ain’t buying what she and her fam dam are selling.

What do you think?

In the meantime, to the parents of Abby Sunderland…..you get the STFU Friday sammie!! (To be consumed on land only per order of muffintopmommy law!)

Land hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!